Be Humble, or Be Humbled

This memory goes back to 1980, when I was a Taigo Sho Dan at Black Belt Academy. Sensei Hatgis called me into the dojo office where a father and young son, Tony and Tony Jr., just signed up to take their first class with us. I was asked to take them to the locker room and help them get ready for class. I brought them back and showed the son how to ‘gi up’ while the father pleasantly chatted with me. I wasn’t rude, but was a little aloof, trying to display a certain ‘distance’ between student and instructor. Dad didn’t seem to need my help; I chalked it up to him watching me help his son. I then helped the son tie his belt and offered to help the father. He said he got it; I asked if he was sure, and then said I’d meet them on the mat. Sensei Hatgis called for everyone to line up and father and son bowed on the mat. ‘Tony’ turned out to be Tony Prudente, Ni Dan from Sensei John Slocum’s Samurai Dojo in the 1960s. In those days Ni Dan was a very big deal. I thought this middle-aged father was just a nice guy who didn’t know his place around a Black Belt; it turned out this far senior Black Belt training long before my time was extending kindness down to lowly little me. He wasn’t trying to teach me a lesson, but I learned it anyway. I can be warmer and more open without familiarity.

In 1987 I was head instructor at the Baldwin branch of Black Belt Academy. Tom, one of my students brought in a magazine article that he thought would interest me. I said that I’d already seen the article and then got ready for class. At the end of the night another student casually reminded me that Tom had gone out of his way to think of me and bring in the article. No need to go overboard, but I could have thanked Tom for his thoughtful effort rather than simply dismiss his act. I made it a point to humbly thank Tom at the next class.

I work the overnight shift since the dojo cannot support me. One morning a couple of years ago the owner, Mike, asked me something and I responded, “Yes sir.” He replied, “Sir is my father; I’m just Mike.” I said his father was ‘sir’ to him out of reverence. I believe that everyone deserves basic respect as a person. Just then a subordinate employee asked me a quick question and I replied to him, “Yes sir.” A little smile came across Mike’s face as he understood what I meant. I wasn’t trying to teach him a lesson, but he learned it anyway.

My sensei would say that Kenkojuku, the root association we come from, means ‘Strength with modesty’. Actually, the kanji ‘Ken’ (謙) means 'modest/humble', ‘Ko’ (交) means 'to be associated with', ‘Juku’ (塾) is a private school, or ‘cram’ school. Their motto is ‘Inner strength with outward humility’. These are wise words to live by.